At times I wish I could be invisible, especially, on days like these.

I wish I could be more honest with the people I love when they ask me if I’m fine. I wish I’d let my guard down and let somebody take care of me for once. I wish I had the courage to say these things out loud without crying.

They say being different is a good thing, but when you’re too different you feel alone because it feels as though nobody understands you. I wish I could just blend in with the crowd and not stand out. I wish the things you had said about me didn’t hurt so much, but they do.

I wish I could un- see what he did to you, the way he treated you. I wish I could take your pain away and make you forget about the life that still haunts you, but I can’t. I wish my words had more power than to put a temporary smile on your face.

I wish I could see myself the way the world sees me, to see what they see. I just wish I could see myself. I’ve lost myself in this big world and I just can’t seem to find the girl I used to be. The person I’ve become is someone I’m still getting used to being.

I wish I didn’t need you this much and that maybe you could need me more. I don’t really know what I want, but what I do need is for me to see myself. I need to see something more than a reflection that I do not recognise and I need to see something more than just my skin.

‘ Can anybody out there hear me? 

Future Sex & Love Sounds (cover art) - Justin Timberlake Image courtesy of Popstarplus
Future Sex & Love Sounds (cover art) – Justin Timberlake
Image courtesy of Popstarplus

‘Cause I can’t seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
‘Cause I can’t seem to see myself…
There’s gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
‘Cause I can’t seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way…
Keep losing my way…
Can you help me find my way?’

– Losing My Way by Justin Timberlake

Let your minds wander at the possibilities of tomorrow

– Christine Diampovisa

18 thoughts on “‘Can anybody out there see me?’”

  2. It may not feel good, but being alone doesn’t have to be a bad place in life (for a while.) Sometimes, to blend in, we have to sacrifice our personal beliefs and unique qualities. Choosing to stand alone (for a while) is a brave and challenging choice. It can sometimes be the first step needed to finding oneself. It is a good time to introspect and take notice of what you see. The more you begin to realize about yourself, the easier it becomes to find your direction in life. Wishing you all the best.

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  3. I have felt this way a lot lately myself. I am mom, and mother, and wife, and friend, and for myself I have become an introvert which is something I never saw myself doing. I rarely leave the house unless it’s to go to the store or something for the kids. I have forgotten what it’s like to have an actual conversation with a friend. Great post…so nice to connect with you.

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    1. I apologise for the late reply. When I was writing this post, I was in a really dark place and I realised that I had to focus more in the dark to find my way through life. If I looked to hard for something, I realised that maybe it wasn’t for me.
      When you love someone, you give everything you have to them and sometimes, people will use us in the kindest and nicest way possible. They will make you feel your presence is needed, but somehow not really appreciate your presence at the same time (if that makes sense). – I’m rambling lol

      I hope things have changed over the holidays. I’m looking forward to reconnecting xx

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      1. I couldn’t have said that better myself. We decided months ago that we needed to really make some changes…starting with ourselves. Because let’s face it…if your aren’t happy with yourself then how can you be happy with the people around you. I have been going to the gym and working very hard on trying to have a more positive outlook. I also have the passion of blogging. I am starting to think that my husband needs a hobby. He works out but because he works shift work…usually 5 days on then 5 days off he uses that as an excuse as to why he doesn’t get to the gym that much. If he went to the gym everyday on his 5 days off and REALLY worked hard at it then he wouldn’t have to worry about going on his work days. But me trying to explain that to him just starts an argument. He just needs something to be passionate about and I think a part of him is a bit jealous that I have found passion in blogging and now becoming a gym nut.

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      2. Him finding a hobby would be a great idea for both of you. Not only does it give you guys time apart but it also reminds you that you don’t always have to do everything together or something that your partner is interested in as well … You having a hobby should not really be a problem because you’re putting your energy into something positive. Working out is a good thing: you have more energy to do things, you feel rested, you feel good about your self, and the list goes on …. Try to convince him to find a hobby without making it seem like it’s something you’re forcing him to do.

        Hope my two cents are worth something.

        Hugs & kisses xXx

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      3. He and I have discussed that he really needs a hobby. Something that gives him down time from work and makes him happy. We have honestly been doing a lot better lately. One day at a time. Thanks so much for the advice and so sorry it has taken me sometime to respond to this message as I run 2 blogs and a photography and design business on top of taking care of 4 kids. 🙂

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      4. Now I’m the one apologizing for the late reply … I’m glad things are going well between you guys. I don’t know if I’d manage (but then again, you kinda have to right?!) .

        Take care, I’m rooting for you guys!

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  5. I can see you and I can hear you.
    It’s okay to feel different and I think most people do, they are just ‘better’ at disguising the unpleasant feelings and try hard to fit in/project a positive image.
    If we would all let go of our masks and images and just be honest with who/how we are, human interactions would be so much more meaningful and effective.
    In the meantime, let’s embrace everything we are and everything we feel without separating into good and bad and not give a f**** what others might say or think.
    And it’s okay to say I feel bloody awful today but I know that this too shall pass because I make conscious efforts to make positive changes in my life.
    Sending you a hug,
    Dagmar

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  6. Ah, Chris, I can relate (because of my autism). Some days, though, I’m invisible and that hurts as much as being too visible. Just know there are more who care than do not…

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