The trains have not been running successfully due to the strikes. I have resorted to using taxis in the morning to get to class and a bus in the afternoon to get back home.

It’s a chilly Friday – my friend, Rishi and I are walking to the bus stop. I feel something tugging gently at my jersey: a guy trying to take my phone, out of my pocket. Facing him, I feel someone else trying to open my backpack. Quickly, I pull my bag towards me and the guy who tried to take something strolls away. I focus my attention on the guy who still has his hand in my pocket. As our eyes meet, he looks at me with vacant eyes and gives me a shameful glance as he apologises and slowly walks away.

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Image by Psycho on the Loose

“What the f**k?!” is all I can say during this. After checking that I have everything, I walk Rishi to the corner and I rush to catch my bus home. On the bus, I sit there silently shaking, processing the fact that I almost got robbed. Travelling home, I have never felt lonelier and more at ease.  In that moment, I was scared but fear was not going to control me. What surprised me was how fast I processed everything; I almost got robbed and then I ran for my bus because I could not get home late – too much work to do.

I thought I processed was happened, until I had a dream (two nights ago) that I was at the bus stop and the same guy who had his hand in my jersey stood there watching me. Taunting me.

Now, I understand why some people are so indifferent. We have no control over what happens to us, but how we react to it is entirely up to us. I’ve become more aware of my surroundings, I’m more cautious. My friend thinks it’s a good thing that I’m more alert but for me, it means that I’m less trusting of people. I guess I just need time to process things. If I want to help people, I’ll need to get to grips with reality. The brightly-coloured Wonderland that I’ve been living in has turned to fifty shades of grey and I need to decide if I want to repaint my world or let it shape me …

“Everything is changing,
And I’ve been here for too long
Going through the same things
I’ve been hurting too long,
Got to move on
Say I-I-I-I can’t do this anymore
If everything is changing
And I know, yeah, you gotta let go”

Changing by Sigma ft Paloma Faith

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Paloma Faith & Sigma on the set for ‘Changing’ Image sourced from Song Academy

 

Let your minds wander at the endless possibilities of tomorrow

Christine Diampovisa 

*feature image – One day can change everything*

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22 thoughts on “‘Everything is changing’

  1. (Quote) “We have no control over what happens to us, but how we react to it is entirely up to us. …for me, it means that I’m less trusting of people.” (Unquote)
    To the first part, I completely agree, we can’t (nor would we want to) control what happens to us (or to anyone) but empowerment is demonstrated in how we react to whatever happens.

    Trusting people is a luxury few (if indeed any) can afford. If there is a truism, it’s that people cannot be trusted. The problem is that we are not taught what “trusting” means. Trusting is a form of control over another, for example, “How could you have done such a thing, I TRUSTED YOU!” Which means, I had/have expectations of you; that you would perform according to what I envisaged. We expect people to respect us, our “stuff” and our space. This is pure fiction. Trust is a weakness. When we become self-empowered we can switch from trusting to being compassionate beings where no control over events or others’ acts is necessary; where we act purely from self-motivation, self-will, personal desire, without expectations from them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ” Trusting is a form of control over another” never in a million years would I have thought of trust like this. Over time, I have come to realise that trust is a weakness 😦 … Thank you for the much-needed reality check.

      Thanks for stopping by. Stay well!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry this happened to you, Christine. I was once molested and threatened by my neighbour when I lived in a rough area, and it really shook me up. Can you carry something to protect yourself with?
    Hugs xo

    Like

  3. Enjoyed reading this. Like I said, I’ve always enjoyed your writing. Simplistically elegant just the way I like things. Not nice to hear of the experience but it’s great that you can find the strength to still write about it. Not sure I liked the ’50 shades of grey’ metaphor, though (I suspect because of what it is now associated with) but nevertheless had I not made that immediate association it would have been a great metaphor. Keep at it Christine! “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” – Marianne Williamson (if ever you are feeling fearful)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read this post & to comment . The strength?! It could have been much worse .. Hahaha! Didn’t mean to make reference to Christian Grey.

      That’s a great quote 🙂 why, thank you ol’ sport!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry for what happened to you, Christine, but please don’t let it harden you. I don’t believe trust is a weakness when it comes to certain individuals, but I realize one has to be on their guard in public places. Love always requires a certain degree of trust.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I wonder: now that a month has passed since you first posted this; how are you feeling about this incident?

    It can be a frightening experience when we first remove our rose-tinted glasses, or when someone rips them off for us. For some people the experience is downright traumatic, and I wish nothing but the best for them. But bearing in mind that I know nothing about you, I think you will be better at helping people if you’re able to see life as it is. Being able to accept the fact that some things are beyond our control, and that good things don’t always happen to good people, might make it easier for you to relate to those you want to help.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The incident has numbed me (but the past few years have really been rough for me). However, I have come to accept life as it is; good things don’t always happen to good people.
      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I really appreciate the advice.

      Keep well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry to hear you were almost robbed, but it sounds like you managed to cope with the situation well. Some people would likely freeze or dissolve into tears in the same situation. I hope it never happens again. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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