I didn’t realise how hard it was to maintain our friendship until I stopped messaging you first. I didn’t want to seem needy, so I would wait for you to text first, but that hardly ever happened. Eventually, I would miss you too much and text you first to check up on you. The way our friendship was going, wasn’t healthy … it felt like I was making too much of an effort, and you weren’t making any.
Walking to the bank or the post office, I’d always pass your house. Sometimes, I’d take a different route from school just so that I could see you. But, whenever you were in my area, you would never stop by because you thought it was intrusive. I guess I didn’t see the signs, that maybe our friendship was convenient for you. As I’m typing this, I’m wondering why I didn’t notice this before. I did. But I didn’t want to see the signs, I acted as if it was all in my head.
How wrong was I?
Distance is a true test of friendship. At school, we would talk all the time because it was convenient. The holidays were a bit trickier, but we made it work. When a month went by and I didn’t hear from you, I thought of the saying about ‘friends don’t need to talk everyday …‘ and I realised that I was being needy. Because I always cave first, I messaged you to ask what you had been up to, and you replied with ‘Nothing, was just waiting to hear from you so that we could hang out’, I nearly dropped my phone after I read that.I got tired of waiting, so I made the first move. But somehow, us not talking was my fault.
You always expected me to make the first move, you took how much I cared about you for granted. I had to cut my losses because this friendship left me feeling unwanted. You made it my duty to reach out to you, and that left me feeling worthless. You made an effort with everyone else, except me!
Something that I’ve learned from all of this is:
‘You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don’t have to change a single thing’
Try by Colbie Caillat
After all this time …